Call The Priest

Courtesy of PixGood

So, recently I haven't felt so good. There are times in our lives where we physically deteriorate until we have reached an all time low. No, I am not depressed, just ill. I remember as a kid, being sick was wonderful, you didn't have to got to school, you got to sleep in, you got to watch movies and play video games all day, and in the end you didn't have to make-up any work. Nowadays, being sick has become a flight straight to Hell, and the inflight movie... Super Hell (brospect to those of you who understand that reference). Seriously, the time that you are sick is a time of suffering, and that suffering becomes worse when you come back to school to find a never-ending tower of assignments.

I never came to understand how I could become sick, or miss school for some random reason (I don't know, maybe I had to fight a bear with chainsaws for arms and sharks for legs), and the exact day I miss is the day that seven assignments are done in class, four projects are due, two tests are taken, and eight homework assignments are assigned. There are classes where you rarely do anything the whole school year, but there is a dimensional shift that causes these classes to actually get work done. Not to mention, this sort of anomaly only happens when you are not present in class. I cannot express my anger towards the matter. Also, I never understood how we are expected to get missed or due school work done, when we are sick! I have been laying in the same spot, sweating from a fever that causes my body to be physically hotter than normal yet makes me feel like the Arctic Tundra, for eighteen hours, consistently spewing half digested, and what is now wasted food, into a trash can, and I'm expected to type a frickin' essay?! I am on the verge of calling a priest to perform an exorcism and I'm supposed to finish assignment 4.3 Graphing Parabolas?! I cannot math while I am unable to even number! Hehehe, like, even numbers, hehe, I'll let myself out.

I don't know how to mountain climb either
Image courtesy of SeoreSeller

Then there's the time after being sick, a time of meeting every teacher and literally asking for homework. At this point, you begin to watch your social life melt in front of your eyes as you start trudging through the swamp of assignments. Not only must you catch up with your class, but you must also keep up with the class as it is being taught. Anybody else sit in class after missing a day or two and, as you watch the teacher with a look of utter confusion on you face, you kinda just think, "What did we learn last class, quantum mechanics?"

There also happens to be this thing where you get sick during breaks and weekends. I can't stand being forced into doing nothing and feeling terrible on a beautiful day when I could be still be doing nothing yet feeling great. So much time not wasted.

Now, would you please excuse me while I attempt to do due assignments and not throw-up at the same time.

The End

My break right here
Background Courtesy of Smart Lotto System

Aren't school breaks just wonderful? After drowning in the stress of school and the inevitable stupidity of fellow students, break begins to envelope you in the warm hug of your couch or bed with Netflix as your companion. Ah yes, the freedom to sleep in until noon with no consequences and no questions asked. The freedom to watch all nine seasons of a show on Netflix without having to being asked if that's even humanely possible. The freedom to eat all of the food in the house just to wake up the next day to see it has been all replaced. During break we get to take a break from the seven hours we spend in school with the addition two to four hours of homework and study that we students go through every night. We get to escape the crushing pressure to not break things when listening to other human beings. It's almost as if all stress is lifted from you.

All until that dreaded Sunday afternoon. Yes, the day that you realize there is but one day of break left... and you have homework. You see, break has this magical power to take away all stress involving school, which includes taking away the fact that you have legitimate assignments to complete. For some reason I have this unmeasurable confidence that I will get all my assignments done AND get ahead of my schedule, and let me tell you... I have never been more wrong in my life. On this dreaded Sunday I can't help but find myself doing homework that I could have done a long time ago. Not to mention, the pressure of the four ton Monday hanging over my head, ready to crush me into oblivion, doesn't help either.

Courtesy of 1funny

Then comes the day of, the day that you must go from waking up at noon, to waking up at six in the morning. The day that you go from eating an actual lunch, to eating the mass produced food that the school cafeteria provides. On this day you must go from watching your favorite show on Netflix to watching documentaries on the lives of mushrooms (true story). I came to arrive at school today and as soon as I stepped on to school grounds, I knew that I was screwed. Not only does break cause you to forget your assignments, but it also helps you magically forget how to school. Entering class I felt somewhat confident in my abilities to remember the information that I had learned three weeks earlier. That is, until the teachers began to emit sound from their facial structure commonly known as the mouth. Thankfully I was not the only one, as I sat there in utter confusion I slowly turned toward my fellow classmates to simply ask what language the teacher was speaking, only to find that nobody knew. Now, I have come home with homework in tow with no knowledge of what I am doing, how to do it, and why I am doing it.

Courtesy of Mashable

Boxed Joy

Courtesy of The Gaily Grind
"Cause we care about our customers!"

Yes the juicy feeling that you get when you lay eyes on that chocolate colored rectangular prism sitting in your mail box. You see, here at my mountain town, yes my mountain town, we don't have mail boxes outside of our driveways, instead we have this odd collection of boxes, each dedicated to one house, that we all have to go to to get our mail. If there's a package for you, a key is left in your box to open up a larger box containing the package. From personal experience, as soon as I see that key my hand shoots out as fast as humanly possible, grabs that key with the strength of a thousand gods, then proceeds to thrust that key into the larger box's keyhole, and finally I rotate the key and rip open the large box to see my package, waiting for me in all its glory. Then I proceed to notice the other people getting their mail staring at the savage I've become. Point is, the feeling of getting a package is up there with.. I don't know, pandas and flipping your pillow over to feel the cool side when it gets too hot.  

What getting a package feels like
Background courtesy of Video Game Blogger

I'm gonna tell a story, so gather round children. So recently, Christmas passed and also, one of the greatest days of the year, my birthday. Not your birthday, my birthday, the day of my birth is greater than the day of yours... this is why people don't like me. Anyway, so, before these tremendous holidays passed my mom decided to get Amazon Prime for two day shipping. After these days had passed I decided to order a little something for myself through two day shipping. Once I placed my order I, naturally, spent those two days in purgatory, floating adrift on an endless plane like, well, like we are right now... on a universal scale... scary. These endless two days pass and I bolt down to that awkward collection of mail boxes to find our box completely empty. I kinda sat there, staring at that pitiful empty box wondering why the world is so cruel. So, after a whole day of grieving in purgatory I check again, ripping open the door to my mail box... nothing. At this point, I'm pretty ticked so I call up Amazon, wondering where in the Lord's name my package is. I come to find that my package will not arrive until tomorrow... a whole 24 hours away, that's 1,440 minutes or... gimme a sec... 86,400 seconds. In these 24 hours I spent in Hell, suffering as I waited for my now two day late package. Then came the torture of waiting until three or four o'clock for the mail to arrive, and suddenly, there I was, standing right in front of the mail box with a glimmering key in my hand. I slowly inserted the key into the keyhole and carefully rotated, and as if the gates of Heaven were opening, there it was, a yellow envelope *insert sweet guitar solo. I then proceeded to inhumanely tear open the envelope to bask in the glory of what I ordered. Bliss.