Chewing Staples

Courtesy of Portland Press Herald

To whoever thought it was a good idea to glue metal to the faces of children,

I sincerely wish you step on a LEGO while stubbing your pinky toe. You deserve to walk the LEGO Fire walk for eternity. What kinda ludicrous idea is that! "Hey look at that, your teeth aren't straight... let's just apply immense amounts of pressure until they are straight, slap some staples on there to keep them straight, and let this child deal with massive pain for the next week or so." Fact: braces are the spawn of Satan. Braces are up there with LEGOs and stubbing you small toe (I don't know why but it's always that toe). Braces are the bane of my existence.

There are a lot of things that I hate, but the few things I like, I enjoy more than I enjoy getting a package in the mail. This includes, of course, eating. Braces make eating painful... PAINFUL! Imma go crazy, I need to feed... like vampires... hehe.... where's the door? I'll let myself out. Anyway, for those of you who have been blessed with not having braces, let me explain. After laying down with your mouth open for an hour getting metal wires strapped to your face you get sore, really, really sore. If you've ever felt the insane pain of being sore in your abdomen (your abs) and sneezing, that's what it feels like every single time you chew, except in your teeth... hehe, imagine sitting at the dinner table and every time you chew you kinda just a stabbing sensation in your abs... hehe. One more thing on food, braces make everything tastes like metal... everything. I feel like I'm sucking on a marble 24/7.

Another thing that I hate about braces, they make you look like an idiot. I'm sorry to any of you who have braces, but let us be honest, we look dumb. Can you imagine a grown man with a grill all up in his teeth, no ya can't, because it's not right. Not to mention, I'm a pretty big nerd I guess you could say, I prefer eccentric... To say the least I bring my DS to school and battle my friends with my Pokémon team. On top of that, my Wasian (Asian/White) exterior does not help, I confirm a lot of stereotypes about Asians (martial arts experience, good grades, etc.). To add on to all of that I live in a small community, with a small school district, and a whopping total of five Asians in my school. To conclude, braces have given me a -200 appearance drop on my power level, all I need is glasses and I'm the stereotypical Asian, and nerd, at the same time.

Hey, look at that, I got a top hat.
Courtesy of Automative Digital Marketing

Finally, some advice brother to random readers, don't ask people who just got braces, "You got braces?" This is because we have to say, "Ya," when we wanna say, "No, I just decided to drill thumbtacks through each and every one of my teeth." To say the least, braces=Satan.

"The Art of Keeping Up with Yesterday"

Courtesy of Number Works n' Words

If there's one thing that I struggle with the most, it's procrastination. Those of you who actually noticed that my posts are being posted ages apart, you're my favorites, and to those of you who did not, I don't blame you (but you're still not my favorites). I apologize for being lazy and procrastinating, but as an optimist I prefer the term, Pro Procrastinator. Wow, now that I typed that in I realized how massively stupid that is... I'll change it later. Anyway, this thing where I don't do the things that I should be doing and put them off by doing other things, it's not good. I've got it down to a lifestyle, not a science, this is like, a whole nother' subject that I could teach as a professor at Harvard or something. Sorry, is my ADHD showing, let me cover that up (I don't have ADHD... yet).

So first things third, homework. Nobody wants to do anything even relating to school after spending seven hours in what feels to be a building overflowing in hormones, learning at a pace either too fast or too slow, and learning in general. Not my fault I don't care about the science behind the reproduction of mushrooms and how we can use math to calculate how fungi will grow. That sentence most likely put most of you to sleep. I always end up doing anything other than my homework, I sit there with my homework in front of me and then I realize how detailed the wall is. Then I realize how soft my carpet is, and how odd the fan looks, and that odd white noise that my brain chooses to ignore.

I can do the arts too...

Then, I got this system where I let myself watch "one" Youtube video, or an episode on Netflix if I've been working for a while, as a break, and I swear, if the lords of the interwebs didn't put a "suggestions" or "next episode" bar after you finish the video or episode, I would be getting sleep for a change. We all tell ourselves, "One more episode couldn't be that harmful," and then you finish watching everything involving cats on the internet, all eight seasons of your new favorite show, and six movies at 6:15 a.m. the next morning. You look at the time and you reach that point of absolute insanity and you begin to do that thing where you cry while laughing because you know you're massively screwed. Like when you spent all night studying for a test and you reach that insane state of mind as you realize you have no idea what you're doing while taking the test. Yeah... I've got way too much experience with this.

I got this friend in math and the things he says are gold, and yeah, I made that, be proud of me.

This post itself is me procrastinating, I should be doing homework right now but... meh. Welp, I'll try to post more often and may you have a magical day/night.